Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
