you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
