i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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