My room smells like vodka and shame
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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