what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
