Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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