About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
