Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
