the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
