So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
