I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry about my life...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize