im six kinds of drunk right now
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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