Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
