I got her a Nickelback box set.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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