Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
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WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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