remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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