In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
