While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
