Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
