She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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