I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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