i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
