he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
