So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
