I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
