At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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