the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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