i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
