This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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