that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
