can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
