i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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