I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
