my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
