I cannot find my penis.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
