if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
