that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
