Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
