I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
