His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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