do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
