I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
