At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
