i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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