I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to sanitize my soul.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
