If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
