I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
