Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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