I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
