My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
