haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
