That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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