East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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