The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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