i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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