go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
