Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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