Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
