where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
