I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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